I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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