My first STD was from a foam party
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
