ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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