I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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