he puts the penis in happiness.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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