i love accidental penises.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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