I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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