I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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