Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
