I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
