I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My bed smells like the plague
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
