Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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