shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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