the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
