I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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