Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
