I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
