when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My penis needs a shock collar
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
