Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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