Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
