i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
