Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
