well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
