3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
