bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
