I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
