Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
