she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
