You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
