Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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