hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
