I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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