He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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