At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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