We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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