I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
