I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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