A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is it penis luge time yet?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
