Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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