I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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