Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
