I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
