hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
