Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
