I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
