I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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