I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
