I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
