I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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