All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
